Akward contortions and growing pains...Sometimes detachment is a necessary resolution for the past.
After severe trauma, obscufication occurs. What appeared to be a solid steel wall was in actuality a mirror. A reflection of our selves, and when that shatters chaos appears. Shards so tiny that reasseblage is impossible. We rub our eyes again and again in hopes of clearing our vision only to find we've embedded the pieces even deeper. Temporary blindness occurs and when our sight returns a new world is revealed. One that the remission period allowed for contemplation and is of our own design. Certain destruction leads to sweet ressurrection...but the waiting room is full of dark corners.
*Stills from the forthcoming film "Scissiparity".
Dear Captain,
My god, what is wrong with this place? I mean this world, my head, all these people. I can’t seem to put them into any type of perspective lately. Honesty. What is it? The more honest I try to be the more confused I am. I try to find myself and then I lose myself, I try to lose myself and then I really fucking lose myself. I don’t know why I try so hard. It makes me tired. Very, very tired, and I don’t know how to regain the energy I had before I started all this. But I can’t slow down because it drives me mad. Everything drives me mad. These circles and spirals make me dizzy. Sometimes they seem so pretty and other times they make me nauseous like a carnival ride. Will it all come together at some point of clarity or are we doomed to eternal uncertainty? Most likely the latter.
Now I hope to find some truth in the past because the present is as unclear as the future. The most painful part is that every time I pick up a shard of truth the reflection changes as soon as I look at it a second time. I just want to find some constant thing. Something real beyond myself because it seems that nothing within myself is solid, or at least I can’t see it that way. If we look at the mirror at a precise angle we can see our past, present and future, but our eyes are always obstructing. I could really use a cup of tea, or probably whiskey and a whole pack of cigarettes. I just want to sleep it off, but sleep never comes because the explosions outside my window won’t stop.
Is there something you said once that you actually meant, timelessly and beyond yourself? Or are you as trivial as I am? I hope for your sake and the sake of existence that you are not like me. And maybe, if that’s so, I can steal a part of your sanity and in return I’ll give you some of my confusion. Does that sound like a fair trade? If so please contact my agent and we can schedule a meeting because I’m very busy these days.
Haha, just kidding. I would drop everything the moment you started to consider giving me a ring. Because you are the constant beyond myself, and therefore you are more important to me than myself. Or is that a smudge of black dirt on the surface? I’ve got to stop listening to sappy pop songs. But who else am I going to listen to? We’ve already determined that I can’t listen to myself because I’ve got a problem with compulsive lying. So that leaves conservative talk show hosts, pornography and you. While pornography is helpful, it always ends in loneliness, and my little toe just went out of joint.
I have no patience and a constant desire to be a patient in a hospital. I absolutely love to feel like a dependent little child and also to be strapped to an IV with no possibility of escape. It’s true. Maybe I should marry a doctor. In a mental hospital.
I made this series after one month of studying under the Chinese photographer Maleonn (www.maleonn.com). I had the opportunity to become his friend and assistant for three months. During this time, his incredible talent and generosity inspired me and helped me discover who I am as an artist. This was a great transitional period in my life and a lot of powerful things happened around me that I can't really describe in words, but some of that is preserved forever in these photos. I look at them as a rung on a ladder and each time I create something new I'm taking another step towards something bigger than myself. I feel as if I'm getting closer to understanding myself and this silly world and how we can work together or not while seeing that I have so much more to learn.
Like twins one is always stronger than the other, both competing and helping one another unconditionally.
The tiny pivotal point in decision making is an immensity. Each choice leads to a different destination and we are in control, but does it really matter which way we go?
One year ago my brother Jeff, who works on top secret projects for the government, invented a time machine. The project was not authorized, so i offered to be his test subject. By his request I entered the year 3525 AD, bringing a camera, my laptop and a little red dress. When I arrived i discovered that the planet earth's biosphere was completely destroyed. There was no oxygen for me to breathe and no people for me to to talk to. After wandering around for days with no signs of life, only years of decay and neglect, I discovered an underground community. The people I met were a portion of the few survivors left on earth after decades upon decades of war. On my travels I took a lot of photographs and picked up a few souveniers.
Based on a painting by the amazing Japanese artist Ueda Fuco. http://www.geocities.jp/uedafuco/
Is there any love that's capable of lasting or is love it's own entity lasting by itself?
